Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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