You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
