I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
