I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
