your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
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MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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