We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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