it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
