You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
