i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize