i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
