I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
