He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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