By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
