there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
