Whod you bang
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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