new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just puked most of my soul out..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
