So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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