it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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