My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
