There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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