I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
