How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
