i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
