Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
