you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
