just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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