She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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