I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize