I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
