Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
