You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
