sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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