My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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