I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
