thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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