i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
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just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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