My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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