Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
