one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
