Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
