I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
