ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize