im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
