I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
