What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
