Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
