I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
