probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
