Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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