Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Randomize
