Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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