I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize