just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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