Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
