i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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