Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
