I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
