I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
