imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
