i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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