I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
