Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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