Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
