you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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